The battle had came to an end.

3 years, she suffered hard, strong and every time in pain. ,

She still managed a smile every time we went over to visit her.

Undergo chemotheraphy and radiotheraphy, doctors told us that the cancer had maintained.

It was only recently, it spread to her bones, where it's very hard to find a cure.

We are pissed, very pissed for the doctors to not tell us earlier.

Even if she was put on drip, and painkiller to sustain the pain, we believe there's other alternative- chinese medicine.

Mum had more than 3 tubes attached to her body, it really hurts us a lot.

Then the doctor told us that one side of her lungs had spoiled.

She urined blood. She had infection. Her chest wall hurts. It's collapsing and acting against pressure.

She was more concerned of us, constantly asking us : 'Did I fright you all? I'm sorry.'

She told us that she felt that she was a burden, and when she passed on, she wanted to be scattered into the sea, where we need not pay visits and remember her ):

We silent her and didn't want her to go on, none of us believe what the doctor say.

Mum still look fine, her lips are still red, she's still cheerful, she's still so young.

She still wants to look good, and were concerned about extra strands of eyebrows growing and how does she look.

She told us that her room mates ages, they were AT LEAST double her age, 100+ and so on.

Why must God take her when she's still so young??

Mum didn't deserve any of these, not from the start.

Yesterday night, she told us that she will come home soon, she will battle with the disease.

I was reaaaaaalllllly assured, but things went wrong.

So so so so so so so so so so wrong.

Mum, you are now on the way to a beautiful place,

Somewhere that all agonies are put to an end and where everything is perfect.
Do not worry for us, although I believe all of us are dying without you here but go in peace mi.

We'll always love you, and you'll always live in our hearts.

Millions and millions and millions of tears.

Forgive me mum, for all the temper, silliness, stubbornness, unfillial and also only recently spending more time with you.

- I still remembered back in kindergarden, I was always late and you had to speak up for me, telling the caretakers that you were the one who woke up late, always taking the blame.

-When I was in primary school, I did not kick the habit of being late. You ran with me to school and I was even being defiant to you when I was in primary 3, upset that I had to always go home at 6pm where indirectly I was granted more priviledge when others had to go home straight after school.

I slammed doors so hard they break, I shouted at you, hurl vulgarities and even had the mindset of leaving home.

- In secondary school, I refused to tell you whenever there are meetings for teachers and parents. When your hair drops due to cancer, I was a little embarrased to walk with you but I did in the end, which is something I did not regret.

After the first news of you having cancer, our relationship became closer and whereever you went or places you want to go, be it new places for you to explore, I will bring you. (hopefully but have not discover more places ): ): ): )

- In poly, I told you of every minor things. We are like close of the closest friends, and I will tell you of every problem in RP, how is it tackled, how is it related to future job.

I'm so ashamed of myself, only this year (2010) that I began to hug and kiss you on the cheek.

I regretted going home yesterday, when I was so determined to stay by your side for at least one night.

Mum, I'm only in year one. I still have many problems in RP to tackle and much more to fill you in. I haven't graduate, haven't marry and give birth, haven't even turn 20.

Siblings and dad too, we all need you . Without you, the home is incomplete.

We don't know how to settle our meals, there were minor misunderstandings leading to quarrels, there were still a lot of issues left unsettled.

Mum, why had you left us so adruptly?

CNY each year will never be the same again.

Our house will never be the same again.

We will be strong, we will stand by each other, but promise me one thing mum,

Be happy there, do not worry for us anymore, remember to come home too.
Cos we'll constantly be missing you,

With loads and loads and loads of love and tears,

Xin aka bee.

): (L)

We'll always remember you.