What if I decide not to go home & stay out the whole day?

Today, we had packed dinner.

Mum was in great pain and had difficulties even getting up from bed.

It took her more than 30 minutes I swear, every time she shout 'OUCH', my heart aches.

I prayed to God again, for letting me suffer instead of mummy.

I don't mind being seriously ill & all. As long as mum recover.
God hadn't hear my prayers.

I don't know how to help mum get out from bed as carrying does not help
I reached out, but I felt I was more like a hindrance instead of help.

Mum sounded angry and had to instruct me what to do.

I felt really really really useless.

Finally after mum struggled to the seat in the living room, I told her to rest awhile before feeding her dinner.

I proceed to continue on with housework as I was halfway when daddy told me to help mum to get up from bed.

I had done laundry by then, left with boiling of water.

Yuan continued sleeping too, it was quite worrying for me as I thought it was time (I hope not) .

I was focused on trying to get yuan out then mum called for me.

She asked whether is her dinner ready cos she assumed that I had heated it but I did not .

I thought she wanted to rest awhile only, as mentioned just now .

It was hurtful when she said that misunderstandings occur during this period .

I wanted to feed her, she was literally shouting at me and rejecting, saying she's very hungry.

All I want is to make sure that she eats, gets well, and not in pain while me struggling to stay awake.

I'm damn shag and dozed off a little, jumped up straight after hearing mum calling out to me.

I had to hide bursting out in tears, one part due to the heart ache, another due to the hurt received.

I hadn't done my homework.

I have to do housework everyday even after school, even being super tired .
I'm damn tired.

I didn't complain.

I'm the only child at home now and I have to run here and there, multitasking.

Dad didn't really help out too, he was more of a mouth and gets fed up easily .

Who else can I pour my troubles out to?

I want to go out after school like other teenagers.
I want to take time and do my practice questions.

I want to have more rest.

But, can I?
I have more responsibilities than I do as compared to last time.

I need to be strong. I cannot break down just yet.

I hope bro & sis quickly come home,

I'm near to dying.

Loves, (swallowing tears back)