SCREWEDQUEEN

2011-03-18T19:54:00.002+08:00

Permanent change of website : http://www.screwedqueen.weebly.com/

Find me there !

Loves,

2011-03-16T00:09:00.003+08:00

Dinner, with love :)

This few days staying at home and being a 'housewife'
Doing housework, cooking dinner, laundry, grocery etc

Hate it at first cos it's very boring doing chores alone and how I will remember certain stuffs such as grocery with mum, lunch with her and my mood is major >:

But now it seemed better, today I even packed lunch on my own instead of bread bread bread

I went to mall yesterday ON MY OWN too, impressed & proud of myself
Settled my lunch there, came home and cook dinner too

Borrowed some books to keep me company in the noon .

Though dinner is not really that nice as compared to mum and pa cooking,

And is always porridge (except today, soup!), but it's better than outside food.

I will continue to improve my culinary skills, and be more careful cos I kept getting injured by the equipments & ingredients =.=

One thing I really dislike for this whole process is
Me doing these only when I'd lost someone dear to me,

I didn't initiate in the past, didn't appreciate, didn't help much.

The most I did was make a cake & tapioca soup for mummy, sigh.

I've been closer to daddy now which I never imagine I will ever be, before
Cos I'm always bickering with him and never tried to understand what he's thinking

Now trying to create more opportunities and also family time like playing with hammies together, at least there's something that can make both our smiles appear again..

Ohyes, fatty and mushroom ham fight though one is inside and one is outside of the cage

Mushroom's nose bleed and dad is so furious with that fatass,
Cos he believed that mushroom is mummy, since he/she appeared when mum's gone.

Yuan's head is still slanted like he got a stroke,

Heartpain whenever he walk, get up from sleep, hope he gets well soon ): !

Okay so I guess I'll end it here for now,

Tomorrow shopping with eve and gj OHMG I'm craving it ttm and wanting to spreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but still money-cautious LAH.

Bye back to laundry I've yet to continue from just now

Loves,

2011-03-12T15:46:00.002+08:00

I think this font is awesome.

2011-03-11T01:17:00.003+08:00

Sour sweets work wonders.

Rainy lonely night = :'(

2011-03-09T02:01:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to TANGOUJUN darling :D

Early in the morning had breakfast dad prepared for me before going off for work
Ham, egg, cheese and tomato sandwich yums !

Then bathed prepared and all, and went to accompany cheryl for her enrolment in rp together with huisin and cindi.

Proceeded to cpf building and aijisen ramen, ate like pig cos all damn hungry.

But super tasty! Although quite spicy cos I ordered spicy ramen.

Bought new ear studs cos my stopper drop off :@, happyhappy .

Went to meet the others with cheryl at marina square.

(Girls)Gj, ivykoh, jennifer, me, cheryl went to kbox till 630pm
I didn't really sang any cos again some songs remind me of stuffs, mood abit low.
Played bowling of 2-3 games with (boys) jasonm, teddy, leonard, hafiz & later eveteo came

It was super fun although my mood abit up and down due to some issues,
and though I never won before playing with them!

Proceeded to pizzahut for dinner/supper and totally rofl cos the boys kept making fun of the waitress's pronunciation, worst is when she is taking our orders and we cannot control our laughter.

All went silent when our orders arrived cos all too hungry already!

Went home after that cos all had something on tomorrow morning,

And I'm so dumb to remember wrongly when my event is to take place at noon =.=

Felt real guilty and sad when remembered that I cannot really celebrate any birthdays but still,

Overall enjoyed myself today & hope the birthday girl does too :)

Tomorrow lab tour with w14g at SGH !
Exciting exciting :D

Loves for now,

2011-03-07T14:11:00.002+08:00

Just came back from 2D1N chalet @downtown east with part of w14g :D
Liyin, michelle, yk, abdullah, kangqi, xiaocai, churen, jannica, xuejun, syaza, nazi, bio faci & her dear, shuyi, crystal

Only 10 of us stayed overnight, and we went night cycling.

First is around pasir ris randomly and later back to chalet then all the way to changi village

Total is around 16km?
But part of it some weird things happened to us such as the scent, images, instinct and voices.
During shower also heard some voices but guessed it was us ourselves. (?)

It will totally be my first and last time cycling to changi :)
Fell down and got some abrasions again cos I solo bicycle awhile, think I totally had back the fear of cycling again.

But glad that in the end cycled the 2 seater with my friend on the journey if not I'm sure to fall down alot of times and met with more weird occurances.

May God bless all of us for today's incident.

Love.

2011-03-05T02:54:00.002+08:00

I did managed to wake at 6am today!
But dad did not and went to work partially cos I fell asleep back.
Roar, so woke up at 1pm and lazed a little

Grocery with two big bags that can make my hands break
Sandwich for dinner today, then off to meet the girls :)
Cindi huisin jennifer goujun cheryltay at amk watch 'i am number four'
Awesome movie! Lead was eye-catching

Proceeded to chomp ate stingray, potato leaves, popiah, satay
Most of the stores early close, damn it so craving for chicken wings ):
Had fun chit chatting and reminiscing, cabbed home later.

I'm not feeling sleepy now!
And hungry again, stupid weird stomach.

Tomorrow facial, then most probably going cook chicken curry with sis and bro :D
Just now on cab was thinking if they do not accept nets then I can ask mum down to pay for me first. Then thought of..... then major ))):
): still cannot accept, never will.
keep linking most to mum...... everytime almost everyday ):

Uniqlo has not called either of us yet.
Waiting...

Bye.

2011-03-03T23:45:00.002+08:00

Dad asked me to go market with him tomorrow, wake up at 6am
Should i GO ?!?!?!?

Crazy wake up so earlyyyyyyyyyy (although includes walk go there, breakfast all)
Let's see if can I wake up anot,
Then shall jog/walk after putting the market stuff into fridge.

Haven't really break the news of chalet to daddy yet
Don't know how to start although it's only one night.
90% guess he will oppose but I will still go anyway

Today sentosa with part of w14g
Ended real quickly cos need to go home prepare dinner but it was still absurb fun, really enjoyed myself alot :D
Dinner was bland and aweful but still edible, my cooking skills really cmi ):

Tired after waking up so early (8am) and still had other household chores to do
Dad kind of ordered me around and constant remind me to do this and that, it's irritating cos I'm really tired and some can be put to tomorrow when I'm more free.
Tonight's moodswing kind of weird, ups and downs and ups and downs.

One month had passed since it happened.
Time really flies.
Life is frail, it comes and go. I lost confidence towards it.

My health, I think is deterioiating.
I need a check up soon, chest and stomach pain, liver most probably also not going well.

Bye.

2011-03-02T22:43:00.002+08:00

Point form again (:
Excuse me !

Went interview with cindi for uniqlo
Sent resume for cotton on, still pending
Tution cancelled cos student DON'T LIKE ME ):
Drank with gj and j till vomited cos drank too fast ): awful feeling
Fell down
Kept shopping and shopping and spending money like running water
Felt bad cos kept neglecting dad, keep going home late
Going sentosa with w14G tomorrow :D

2011-02-26T01:11:00.002+08:00

Shall post a short update cos I'm a little lazy.

-Arguments within not-so-close-friends (so maybe i shouldn't even care)

-Beer = rashes & bitter = not nice = won't touch anymore

-Gave secondary three science tution

-Bowling with gjevecc

-Slacked at point for four hours with gj just for macbreakfast

-Spent more than what I earned (keep withdrawing ._.)
-Hammies dying under my care

-Facebook STILL cannot load for me

2011-02-22T01:45:00.003+08:00

Lies.

You are a liar, you are a liar, you are a liar and you are also a liar.

I got all the free time in this world.
I spent the time travelling home like running water, allowing buses and trains to pass while I stare into space, just because I really hate coming home .
I don't mind travelling to and fro without any destination place, I can go home anytime I want now, I feel super damn empty, lonely and bored stuck here.

Now I find drinking an excuse for me to escape from all these crap.
But still I can't find anyone to drink with me, like drunk and all and the place to stay over since I can't go to anybody's home.
It all goes down to loneliness again.
Living zombie, or rather, dead cos everything inside me is gone.

At school everyone has their own friends, their own cliques.
I feel so extra, plans were corrupted as and when decisions are made as compared to decisions made few weeks back.
I don't know who to find, I don't know who to voice to, I really really really hate my life.
Everything behind my smile is something you, everyone of you out there, will not understand.

I guess my depression level is to the max now.

:'(

2011-02-18T19:39:00.002+08:00

Home alone is boringgggggggg.

Now holidays,
Dad kept going out to play mj with his friend

Sis has project to rush

Bro had to attend NS

Quiet house, nothing to do (actually got tons of packing to do but it still bore me out..), no more family gatherings.. major envy when I see family together.

How much I wished to call out to somebody by the name of 'MUM', I talk to air at home, trust me. Cos I believed that mum is around, and she will hear me out.. ):

I dreamnt of my whole family with me together attempting sucide

I guess I'm kind of sick, but that is the time where I see the whole family working together and coming together, to join Mum up there.

Weird isn't it?

I still think this is a dream.

It's the third week of nightmare.

So lonely.

2011-02-17T16:12:00.002+08:00

Okay hey I'm back, with a more optimistic feeling I guess.

Exams exams exams this week,

I think I screwed up maths and cog, didn't really complete cog
Which I had most confidence in most of the time since I think it's rather easy module ):

Maths I lost 9 marks,

Differentiated instead of integration, what's more I know how to do integration but just a carelessness in my part..

For physics, major major major careless mistakes.

Well for UT2 Bio screwed up, eight marks away from scoring full marks !
And 2 marks away from getting A,

Sucks lah moderation and grade difference, sometimes it's only a minor 0.5 grade away from A.

So well went back to school for exams and it's great that day,
Classmates and school mates see me and gave me hopes, hugs, and comfort (L)
Really cheered me up,

But I can't deny that going home alone in the later part of day still makes me a little ): , most of the times home alone (LIKE NOW) or to certain places where memories will still flow back.

I dreamnt of mummy yesterday though,

It was a short conversation, I really really really want to dream of her again.

I left 2 more exams to go, bio and chem.

Need to strive hard now, esp for bio and get back my grades !
But I feel sure that my GPA overall will drop, many C+ and only one A achieved.
Hais.

Loves for now,

2011-02-16T00:22:00.001+08:00

Bye GPA.

2011-02-13T20:11:00.003+08:00

Words can't describe my feelings.

Hurt.Stressed.Responsibilities.Lonely.Cry.Problematic.Tired.Front.Miss.Confused.Lost.Worry

No one understands.
No one.

Maybe it's because I don't allow anyone to.

Bills.Bankaccounts.Meals.Laundry.Housework.Sleeping.Studies.Decisions.Pathoflife

2011-02-13T01:25:00.001+08:00

Sigh.

Thousands and millions of sighs..

I still can't get over it, have to admit.

)':

2011-02-11T17:27:00.008+08:00

A past message from mum that reminds me how much I SHOULDN'T give up on studies.

How she called up and asked for my DAE when I was at work and was busy

How she texted me when my DAE was approved

How she was more anxious than I was

How she stood on my same side when I so much didn't want to go to NYP JAE's assigned course when dad suggested I should.

I swear, if it wasn't for that message

Thanks mum, for the opportunity,

For the motivation and effort,

I will not let you down, I will continue to strive.

I will continue to update you of my studies, be it talking to you when eyes cannot see your presence,

I'm not stupid, I will prove those who belittle me, wrong

And that includes daddy(sadly) and his sibling side.

I will still think of mum,

My heart still aches so badly,

Every phone call, silently deep inside how much I wish it was mum, even if she's gone how much I wished it was a phone call from the other world

How much I wished I dreamnt of mum and I can talk to her and ask 'Are you doing well?'

Loves,

At least for next week.

I will be back to my normal self.

I will, I will.

2011-02-10T23:08:00.003+08:00

I'm dead for my studies.

3 days to study 5 modules of 5 problems each and to recap on 10 old problems,

Financially stressed and want to find a job badly.

No appetite and sick of outside food, doing housework, clearing up stuffs, fatigue like 90% of the time, weird moodswings, mad girl.

I want to dream of mommy today
But it just doesn't happen.

I can't wait for exams to end end end end end end end end end end end end

Or well, all of these to end end end end end and time to reeeeeeeewind.

Sigh

Still depressed.
Stubborn as ever.

2011-02-08T23:17:00.002+08:00

I hate my life.

Hate hate hate hate hate mega hate.

2011-02-05T16:11:00.003+08:00

Everyday I woke up,

I hate the feeling. The facts and truths all against me that what happening is what is happening now.

My heart aches, tears flow freely, I cannot control myself,

I rather not to wake up at all.

Treasure your loved ones

Everyone says that, no one abides by it. It'll only be a period of time

Everyone has regrets, be it treasuring more time spent or not, we will still regret not reaching our maximum capability.

I still choose to believe mum is still around.

I still talk to her when there's no presence .

I still can't accept the fact, not now, not later, not in the future.

I don't mind staying up and rotating shifts just to take care of mum's body.

I don't want her to be cremate.

It'd been 1 day.

Fed myself with tears.

I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):
I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):

I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):

I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):
I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):
I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):
I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):

I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):
I miss you mum, I'm sorry mum, I love you mum, come back mum ):

Hate myself;

2011-02-04T18:20:00.003+08:00

The battle had came to an end.

3 years, she suffered hard, strong and every time in pain. ,

She still managed a smile every time we went over to visit her.

Undergo chemotheraphy and radiotheraphy, doctors told us that the cancer had maintained.

It was only recently, it spread to her bones, where it's very hard to find a cure.

We are pissed, very pissed for the doctors to not tell us earlier.

Even if she was put on drip, and painkiller to sustain the pain, we believe there's other alternative- chinese medicine.

Mum had more than 3 tubes attached to her body, it really hurts us a lot.

Then the doctor told us that one side of her lungs had spoiled.

She urined blood. She had infection. Her chest wall hurts. It's collapsing and acting against pressure.

She was more concerned of us, constantly asking us : 'Did I fright you all? I'm sorry.'

She told us that she felt that she was a burden, and when she passed on, she wanted to be scattered into the sea, where we need not pay visits and remember her ):

We silent her and didn't want her to go on, none of us believe what the doctor say.

Mum still look fine, her lips are still red, she's still cheerful, she's still so young.

She still wants to look good, and were concerned about extra strands of eyebrows growing and how does she look.

She told us that her room mates ages, they were AT LEAST double her age, 100+ and so on.

Why must God take her when she's still so young??

Mum didn't deserve any of these, not from the start.

Yesterday night, she told us that she will come home soon, she will battle with the disease.

I was reaaaaaalllllly assured, but things went wrong.

So so so so so so so so so so wrong.

Mum, you are now on the way to a beautiful place,

Somewhere that all agonies are put to an end and where everything is perfect.
Do not worry for us, although I believe all of us are dying without you here but go in peace mi.

We'll always love you, and you'll always live in our hearts.

Millions and millions and millions of tears.

Forgive me mum, for all the temper, silliness, stubbornness, unfillial and also only recently spending more time with you.

- I still remembered back in kindergarden, I was always late and you had to speak up for me, telling the caretakers that you were the one who woke up late, always taking the blame.

-When I was in primary school, I did not kick the habit of being late. You ran with me to school and I was even being defiant to you when I was in primary 3, upset that I had to always go home at 6pm where indirectly I was granted more priviledge when others had to go home straight after school.

I slammed doors so hard they break, I shouted at you, hurl vulgarities and even had the mindset of leaving home.

- In secondary school, I refused to tell you whenever there are meetings for teachers and parents. When your hair drops due to cancer, I was a little embarrased to walk with you but I did in the end, which is something I did not regret.

After the first news of you having cancer, our relationship became closer and whereever you went or places you want to go, be it new places for you to explore, I will bring you. (hopefully but have not discover more places ): ): ): )

- In poly, I told you of every minor things. We are like close of the closest friends, and I will tell you of every problem in RP, how is it tackled, how is it related to future job.

I'm so ashamed of myself, only this year (2010) that I began to hug and kiss you on the cheek.

I regretted going home yesterday, when I was so determined to stay by your side for at least one night.

Mum, I'm only in year one. I still have many problems in RP to tackle and much more to fill you in. I haven't graduate, haven't marry and give birth, haven't even turn 20.

Siblings and dad too, we all need you . Without you, the home is incomplete.

We don't know how to settle our meals, there were minor misunderstandings leading to quarrels, there were still a lot of issues left unsettled.

Mum, why had you left us so adruptly?

CNY each year will never be the same again.

Our house will never be the same again.

We will be strong, we will stand by each other, but promise me one thing mum,

Be happy there, do not worry for us anymore, remember to come home too.
Cos we'll constantly be missing you,

With loads and loads and loads of love and tears,

Xin aka bee.

): (L)

We'll always remember you.

2011-02-03T22:50:00.003+08:00

It'd been a long time since I last had such facial expression.

2011-01-31T22:49:00.002+08:00

I can't admit less I'm living in denial.

Each time I came to know more about mum's condition
I cannot accept it, I really can't.

News I know and seeing mum face to face, I really cannot piece it up.

Mum is still looking strong, cheerful, and fine.

Is she putting up a brave font?
Are her eyes watery? Do she cry at night?

Or am I not observant enough?

Mum promised us that she will fight for our sake, for everyone who cared, everyone who love her.

Don't give up, never give up - stay positive.
Mum please do.

I tried to stay positive too, but the news are always battling with me.

I kept hearing it over and over again.

I'm getting sick of it.

I want to hear something new, something positive, something I'm longing to hear ever since it started.

Good news? Turning for the better?

I'm still waiting for a miracle, if they do exist.
I believe it do, it does, right?

I won't give up, and I guessed the best way right now is to live in denial.

I love you mum.
I want to see your face, hear your voice, receive ur text and calls everyday of my life.

Dad's memory seem to be failing too.

This house is so empty.

2011-01-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

Now I don't even want to talk to my blog about problems anymore.

A stronger padlock.

2011-01-27T00:12:00.003+08:00

I'll make it a point to go and visit mum when I'm free
Mum above studies, I don't mind seriously.

It's hard to fight back tears welling up and wanting to tell mum every thing that had happened in school like I used to.

Cannot speak properly, cannot let her see I'm crying
Deep breathing in and out to cool and control myself from being emotional.

How I wished I can ease her pain, let me suffer instead, let her live, cut down my lifespan, every thing possible just to make mum healthy again. ):

I'm so afraid of every day now, that it may be the last bid goodbye.

I know I shouldn't think negative, but I'm really really really afraid.

Lots of thoughts running through my mind.

I want to bring her back home and take care of her, holidays please come faster.

Damn pissed with nurses who allowed mum to be exposed to xrays without any protection since neighbouring beds are nearby and the patient next to her had to had her xray done.

B****

No loves tonight,

But a prayer that goes ,
Please God, make mum get well and better every day, cos she does not deserve all these,
any punishments let it befall on me, I am willingly to accept and take all the hurt from her.
Please don't take her back with you, take me instead.

(heartbreak and tears again)

2011-01-26T09:30:00.003+08:00

Shit I'm becoming emo and acting like having depression.

Major >: but I can't find the reason to smile .

Home alone with dad these few days and when he went to bed early/work.

My 'push' to school and motivation totally just vanished.

I can slack, I can not go school, I can go back to sleep without anyone eyeing on me, be there and motivate me to go back to the right track anymore.

Keep late for school, don't really care less.

Don't ask me if I'm fine anot,

Don't ask me to take things to the easier side,

I'm not fine, but I will be and I will not frown or cry or sad or whatever outside.

Please get well, get better, get healthier mum.

I'm so tired of this game.

:'(

2011-01-26T00:36:00.000+08:00

Within.

2011-01-24T21:12:00.005+08:00

I need a listening ear.

More than half of my life is gone now, my prayers don't work at all.

My dream of being a doctor (which I still don't think I'm able to achieve) is part of the reason why I wanted so much to go after it.

To find cure for the diseases.

The disease that make me lost my kins.

To find cure for people suffering.

To ease their pain and to make the world happier, a better place.
To find new medicines, to research, to make everyone healthy once again.

I just want everyone to be happy. It's that hard

I know I'm not clever, smart, wise or intelligent or whatever.

I know I'm too greedy, I aim too high for my dreams.

But it's not just a want and desire to be a doctor, there's a reason deep inside.

I work hard, very hard but the results I get are not always the one I want.

I got a GPA of 3 for sem 1, it may be awesome to others,

But this is the best I could get, and it's very disappointing for me cos somehow I know this is my limit.

And I need to score at least a 3.8 for university.

It's hard, so damn hard with a pea brain like mine.

I need to stay strong right now.

My mum still needs me, my family still needs me.

I need to work doubly hard, I won't get disappointed so easily again.

They say I'm an optimist, but I'm more of a pessimist now.
I love you mum. Very very very much.

Loves,

Tears can't change anything.

2011-01-23T01:53:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHS.

Can't believe I'm actually encouraging and cheering my friend up for relationship issues.
Cos I used to cannot even handle my own,
Let alone give advices.

Now these things don't excite me anymore,

Or probably I'm not even interested to get involved with anyone.

Can't forget how he used to hurt me so much,

I swore I wanted to turn lesbian, and really did want to attempt to.

Cut my hair short for a new reborn of self, so be it.

Okay full stop,

Loves and die for chem haven't attempt practice questions & finish notes.

2011-01-21T22:29:00.004+08:00

Cooked sweet potato porridge, mushroom and fried eggs for dinner.

- I cannot be a chef
- Food I cooked are edible, but you will not crave for more
- It's too bland cos I don't add alot seasonings and all, prefer to stick to healthy meals (but I like it bland)
- Practical sessions during F&N are useless for me (cos I still suck in cooking)

I'm craving for mommy's cooking ):
Get well soon mum. (L)

Loves,

2011-01-19T15:54:00.005+08:00

Life

Loves,

2011-01-18T22:38:00.002+08:00

Hello,

Today I was 5 minutes behind the usual latest time to board the bus to yck
I know it sounds confusing !

But 5 minutes reallllllly mean a lot.
5 minutes late in catching the bus = 5 minutes late in board train = 5 minutes late for class ):

I thought I was marked late,
I was really really really moodless. Like totally no mood (Hahahha I know don't make sense)
While.... I was also super lazy, Bio change group anyway.

So for powerpoint slides AGAIN I solo work..
This time is only 13 slides that time crazy.. do till 18 slides on my own.
I think my screw in my brain loosen already,
If this got to go on for 3 more weeks I think I will either cry or scream. ):

After lesson attended bio revision with classmates.
It was more of wasting time but yet, got CE points so still O-KAY.

Slept in bus,
Yesterday otw home super crazy (again) open laptop compile chem notes in bus frm woodlands
Way.behind.time.one.more.week.practice.question.still.not.done ):

Alrights I know my english super broken right now,
I can't really care,
Just typing what's coming into my brain.

My throat is still killing me,
But still, anyway,

Loves,

2011-01-18T00:33:00.002+08:00

It took me almost a year to forgot everything.

I had my share of tears, I had fun and shared joy with you,

I regretted on quarrels but now it's really time to let it just pass and put it behind.

I see images of you, I can't deny missing you now and then.

I held on to the slightest hope to see and talk to you again

I plucked up courage, but things had really changed -

Every time I think back, I will remind myself of the words you had said to me,

And that's the reasons why I decided to let it go.

Cos neither of us deserve such sufferings again.

I can't deny that wasn't love,

But you never believe me, never.

Thanks for the memories and for the last time,

I miss you but now it's time to bury you deep inside .

Not forgotten but not mentioned ever again either.

Loves,
Goodbye Ridzwan.

2011-01-16T18:56:00.002+08:00

I won't yeah I won't.

Loves,

2011-01-14T00:43:00.002+08:00

Hello so tired today.

I'm damn pissed off in the morning cos I was put aeroplane the 2nd time,

Excited in the noon cos W14G ordered mac delivery

Tired to the max now at night cos spent the time after school studying plus crapping with classmates :)

I shall sleep now and wake up and go school early tomorrow.

I can't can't can't can't can't wait for friday to end,
I can sleep the whole day.

I'm having runnynose, sorethroat, fever & a spinning headache

I got 3A's in a row, but for exam I got all C and one B.

Hais, if I still continue to get these grades I just better off don't even study mansxsxxsx.

Loves,

2011-01-12T23:05:00.002+08:00

Sorry but I have to admit that,

What I feel now is chilling out (friday night) is the only way to release stress from school.

Like seriously.

I don't mind having drinking sessions every friday night

That's why sooooooooooo much I wished I was a billionaire.

Sighs, (No signing off love tonight)

2011-01-11T00:08:00.002+08:00

Wasted $100+ for retake of O's !!!!!!

2011-01-08T18:02:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was awesome :)

Friday plus gathering with close friends plus went pub again. (Obar)
It reallly really really felt like the last day of school, how I hope so !

Had martel plus ginger ale tea, beer
Not bad the taste is quite sweet, but beer sucks totally! so bitter.

Played games and get to know some friends.

Gj, Cc, Jasong, John, Johnathan.

Now having rashes again which woke me up after 3 hours of sleep yesterday ):

Itchy max, especially at my lower back waist.

It wasn't worser than the last time, that can kill me TOTALLY.

Alrights so I cooked potato soup for dinner today :)

Guessed these are the only times when whoever will be willingly to taste the food I cooked!

Hahahahahha

Loves,

2011-01-04T23:42:00.003+08:00

What if I decide not to go home & stay out the whole day?

Today, we had packed dinner.

Mum was in great pain and had difficulties even getting up from bed.

It took her more than 30 minutes I swear, every time she shout 'OUCH', my heart aches.

I prayed to God again, for letting me suffer instead of mummy.

I don't mind being seriously ill & all. As long as mum recover.
God hadn't hear my prayers.

I don't know how to help mum get out from bed as carrying does not help
I reached out, but I felt I was more like a hindrance instead of help.

Mum sounded angry and had to instruct me what to do.

I felt really really really useless.

Finally after mum struggled to the seat in the living room, I told her to rest awhile before feeding her dinner.

I proceed to continue on with housework as I was halfway when daddy told me to help mum to get up from bed.

I had done laundry by then, left with boiling of water.

Yuan continued sleeping too, it was quite worrying for me as I thought it was time (I hope not) .

I was focused on trying to get yuan out then mum called for me.

She asked whether is her dinner ready cos she assumed that I had heated it but I did not .

I thought she wanted to rest awhile only, as mentioned just now .

It was hurtful when she said that misunderstandings occur during this period .

I wanted to feed her, she was literally shouting at me and rejecting, saying she's very hungry.

All I want is to make sure that she eats, gets well, and not in pain while me struggling to stay awake.

I'm damn shag and dozed off a little, jumped up straight after hearing mum calling out to me.

I had to hide bursting out in tears, one part due to the heart ache, another due to the hurt received.

I hadn't done my homework.

I have to do housework everyday even after school, even being super tired .
I'm damn tired.

I didn't complain.

I'm the only child at home now and I have to run here and there, multitasking.

Dad didn't really help out too, he was more of a mouth and gets fed up easily .

Who else can I pour my troubles out to?

I want to go out after school like other teenagers.
I want to take time and do my practice questions.

I want to have more rest.

But, can I?
I have more responsibilities than I do as compared to last time.

I need to be strong. I cannot break down just yet.

I hope bro & sis quickly come home,

I'm near to dying.

Loves, (swallowing tears back)

2011-01-04T00:03:00.002+08:00

Daily time table for 29 more days of school. (If let's say I'm free that day)

Wake up
Shower
Prepare myself for school
Leave home, board 72 to yck, board train to woodlands
Walk/ board 902 to RP

Class starts , Class ends.

Reached home (Around 530 earliest)
Wash face, change into new clothings.
Help out with cooking / have dinner
Wash the dishes
Boil water
Wash the laundry
Take in clean clothes, pack them, keep them for bro and sis since they always not at home.
Do homework
Surf a little net
Do practice questions
Bathe
Sleep

& It all starts over again. (BORING!)

I'm going to countdown the days of school
This makes me excited for every day, at least.

Loves,

2011-01-02T22:56:00.001+08:00

Loves,

2011-01-02T03:42:00.006+08:00

Hello 2011,
Hello 2nd day ! :)

Not sleeping yet at this timing,

Although a bit sleepy but listening to korean songs make me energetic.

Compiling physics notes but guess it still won't help me for my practice question...

SAD.

Now at home is housework in the afternoon,
Homework / surf net till at least 330am then sleep.

I still can handle the housework stress I guessed, but I'm still receiving accusations that I did not do any and so late then sleep.

Some people really have no brains, if I were to do housework in the afternoon, how do I have time to study - obviously I will have to wait till night, right?!

Enough.

Okay countdown yesterday was awesome as usual -

But the feeling as compared to last year was completely different.

Fireworks remind me of other things now.

Totally a tick during 2009 national day at 21st floor

Each series of fireworks dies out, same as my enthusiasm and the happiness inside me.

I don't want to sound really emotional here, but I'm speaking frankly.

God knows why suddenly I'm being so brave blogging out here? Heeees turned crazy.

Well,

This is my first post in 2011 but it was already a semi sad post ):

So not looking forward to school, super worried for mummy at home alone, sick of doing presentation slides 98% solo work, and dread times going home...

I changed my blogskin anyway, hello juvenile!

& Happy new year to you, you, you readers, and YOU anyway.

Loves,

2010-12-30T22:46:00.003+08:00

What screwedqueen experienced in 2010 :

She cut her hair short.
Now, it's still short and it probably will remain short for these few years.
She got employed into Toys'R'us suntec, and quit around half a year later.
She can't really remember but she will always remember the wonderful friends made there.
She got into Republic Polytechnic, E37F (awesome bunch) & currently in W14G
She pierced her tongue 2 times and her lips one time.
She took them all out now, and is a little hesitating to pierce her lips A-G-A-I-N..
She turned single.
She still misses him.
She had chinchiaow as a female companion to her male hammie (yuan) which gave birth to 3 cute baby hamsters :)

But chinchiaow and one of her baby hamsters (twoleg) left in the same year )))):
Another fat hamster got pregnant but gave birth to all still borns ):
She lost her precious samsung jet.
She dyed her hair dark golden blonde.
Now she still has them, but with ugly black roots.
She turned 18 ! :D
She had chalet with awesomest 5A2 and tomorrow also going to countdown 2011 with them (L)
She visited pub for the first time.

I guessed that's all !

Welcome 2011 !!!!!!!! :D

2010-12-29T14:45:00.002+08:00

27th Dec 2010

First visit to a pub with gj and ts

Ts called for shots and per person only 4 shots, but already felt giddy.

Now aftermath, rashes around the body and it's itchy- like mosquito bites.

I kind of like the feeling of giddiness,

Semi aware of things going on but you can just turn a blind eye to it.

Scream all you want cos it's not you yourself screaming, but the the voice inside you.

I won't turn to drinking to drown my sorrows after all.

All these itching just make me mad.

Loves,

2010-12-25T03:08:00.001+08:00

I HATE MYSELF

FULL STOP.

2010-12-19T01:38:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, while feeding the hammies.
Two leg doesn't want to eat at all.
He kept sleeping, put him out of the tank, he doesn't run his usual speed.
He just walked, taking slow steps and pausing at one area to rest again.

It was so unusual, deep inside I know it's time for him to go.
He was very very strong, he was born with proper set of limbs and hands,
But his legs were very weak, and they were bent towards the back such that he had to drag himself to walk with his hands.

He was very brave, he bit off one leg at a time and relied on his hands for movement.
This does not stop him from climbing, walking, and even running fast.
Trust me, his speed can even be faster than my hammies with proper set of legs and hands.

Yes, he was THAT strong.

We wrapped him in towel and cotton wool to keep him warm.
His ears felt cold before we had our dinner. His eyes keep shutting.
Me and mum held him in our hands, it was the first time we dare to and we just want him to pass on happily and feeling loved.

I guessed it's the toxin building up in his body.
He was 6 months old when he left us. :( :( :( :( :(

I didn't used to like him cos he does give off a weird smell, due to his poorer ability to urinate etc.
I don't dare to touch him, prefer playing with other hammies.
But I cried much when he is buried, I can't forget how I used to play with him via a stick, be amazed how fast he can run, often call and mock him of triangle face and 'two legs', and bullying him saying he's shorter than the other hammies.

These were took on the same night before he left. :(

RIP my dear,
I hope you reconcile with your mother (chinchiaow) and in your hammie heaven, grow a new set of legs and fight all viruses,

I prayed hard for twoleg and cchiaow to not ask for yuan so early too.

Yuan kept sleeping, he's getting older.

I can't endure all these anymore.

The cages seemed emptier.
I have 3 hammies left now. :( :( :(

We'll always love you.

2010-12-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

Google chrome is awesome.

I'm so slow to only download today, hehe.

My cognitive grade drops from B to C+, thanks to grading system.
So now I got 3 C(s), two more modules grades not yet given.

Tsk, 2 more days.

I can't wait.

2010-12-14T20:56:00.004+08:00

Damn disappointed with self.

Studied, I got C+ for maths and physics.
OMG and it's only the first exam.... still got 2 more major.

Super stress...

The worst thing in this scenario : knowing you had worked hard, but yet unable to get the grades you want.

' It's okay, work harder, don't give up. '
Yeap I know, but I can't help but to tear.

Super damn damn damn damn damn damn sad.

Bye ):

* Note to self *
- I will stand up, be strong, and start revision, harder harder harder than before -
& - I won't have the feeling of envy for smart people who never revise but yet am able to score better, be LIKE them. Envy is nothing, DO SOMETHING . -

2010-12-13T22:13:00.003+08:00

I like the first - but many say like butch.
I'm still choosing over the 3rd and 4th..

2010-12-08T22:56:00.003+08:00

Just.let.me.be.alone.and.emotional.for.the.time.being

I will be hyper, laugh at the sillest joke, appear to be okay, be crazy.
I will not pull a long front, pull down moods, be lonely.
I will be just fine,

I will conquere all these, I will let this be over.
I will.

I believe I will.

2010-12-08T01:14:00.004+08:00

I slept from 8pm to 1130pm, and I don't feel like sleeping anymore later.
I don't feel like going school too.
It feels like a friday night.

I still hadn't find the motivation to go school.
Perhaps to study, gain knowledge.
But it's more like dragging my feet, I can jolly well study at home alone.

Today, I was very depressed, stressed out and heaved a sigh of relief when ppt's all done.
Well, I guessed almost everyday.

A mail containing details to a briefing on electives for year 3, it was sent out to us.
For a moment, I felt really scared, really scared to grow up.
Really scared of the jobs, resume etc I had to send and for another moment I was blank on what my future my diploma cert can give me.
Let's say I don't want to continue with studies anymore.

For that moment, I lacked confidence in my course- it was for the first time.

For now,
I told myself to jot notes now that I have free time.
But I wanted a day off.
I started browsing through my previous post in this blog.
Memories flow back, and I couldn't deny I was thinking about you.
Again.

Then, I replayed 'just a dream- nelly'
It matches very well to what I am feeling right now.

I know I know,
My post nowadays are so boring, wordy and emotional stuffs all.
Guess the more interesting part will come when J felt a little more happier.

For your entertainment :

Kthxbye for now.
xoxo

Fefe Dobson - Ghost

2010-12-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

2010-12-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

Okay, dumb.

I had a fever
I shall sleep at 11pm today.
I dreamnt of you. I was shocked.
I want to talk to you again.

I'm so heartbroken.
I know I'm saying super random sentences that don't make any relations to others.
But my yuan keeps sleeping, he's getting older.
I can't lose him, he's my everything.

I don't want to experience the same kind of feeling I had when I lost cchiaow again.
Please don't go so early yuan,

Please. ):

2010-11-29T23:35:00.004+08:00

I'm struggling, struggling so much in chemistry practice question now.
Chemistry has always been my forte.

But now doing physics practice questions are way easier,

I'm so way behind time for notes for other modules
I need to jot down notes, I need to practice, my brain process slowly.
As compared to my friends and class, I'm really very very stupid.

I can't slack, my stress level is high and I'm like a living statue most of the time, with a blank mind.

Probably I have too high expectation of myself after all.
This course just does not suit me.

But since I had chose my path
I know I should work hard.
I'm trying, trying very very hard.

& I'm gasping so hard to breathe, I need playtime and rest too but sometimes I rather spend these time to study.

I'm going crazy - (trust me)
)':

- NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP ! -

2010-11-25T23:14:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow, it will be the first bio UT I'm sitting for.

A little bit of excitedness, happiness, but also worried and nervousness !

& I'm still studying !
So so so so so so so so so so tired.

TGIF tomorrow.

& today,
I'm so freaking happy.
Felt that I did contribute much to my maths team, which is like the 1st time ever in maths cos previous team suck balls.
& I understand today's problem ttm !!!! LIKE, MATHS LEY FOR JSIE KOH!

:D

Moody spells are cast away~

2010-11-24T20:25:00.003+08:00

You had changed sooooooo much.

I went home with class today, so much fun and thanks for healing the emptiness in me.

Today, I believed in the saying :
'When you lost something, you gain something at the same time'.
I 'lost' one of my close friend, but I gain back closeness with my secondary school friends, who asked me to join them for lunch out of the blue.

I felt so disappointed when there were not even a single text message after school from you, when you usually will till you hang out with your clique.
Friends should initiate, same goes for me.
I took one step behind, but you never catch up.

-

2010-11-23T23:05:00.003+08:00

I have many friends, but I still feel lonely .

I seemed to be going home after school alone frequently
Stares that I cannot take initially that tells me 'what? you're alone? where's your friends'? , I learn to accept them.
Going with my usual friend, she has her own clique now.
I know it's okay to mix around, know one another, but it's weird and super awkward especially in the mrt train, a feeling hard to describe-
You can only look at each other blankly.

I really hate it when people don't mean what they say.
It may not be intentionally, but I take it seriously.
I TAKE MY FRIENDS SERIOUSLY, for times of matter of importance.

She texted saying hoping we won't drift and what not,
But she's the one herself initiating all these from happening.
Even going home together seems to be a problem now.
What's next? having to go school alone soon?

I really really dread loneliness.

Bias friends are another case.
Seriously just fuck off from my life, don't come to me only when you need me.
Judges based on only looks, I really don't get it.

I'm sorry to say but the more I interact with you, your behaviour adds on more to my level of despise for you.

I guess I'm going to be independent from now on
I need evelynteo and goujun badly, these two days will be FML cos they are overseas.

*Sigh heavily. *

Well well, when is the last time I experienced this shiat?
Definately not in secondary school days.

2010-11-22T10:05:00.001+08:00

Hey hi
Physics I used to be working, more of working alone
But now change group and I'm slacking like F

SHIT MAN
But the root, I need fooooooooood, fking hungry .
):

2010-11-21T17:35:00.001+08:00

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

2010-11-21T02:05:00.004+08:00

OR

SAMSUNG JET or
HTC WILDFIRE

I'll 99.9% go for wildfire if it's within my budget, mad love in the colour. >:)

2010-11-20T02:21:00.001+08:00

HOW?

Phy ut on next week tue but I totally don't feel like studying for it.
Okay with biology and chemistry which are on later dates.

But phy..... urg.
Practice question like a hard only too.
Die la die la die laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa .

Feel so sad I cannot give up no matter what thou !

I want to go running soon.
Always have this feeling that my health is deterioating and need to de-stress soooooo much .
Goddamn tired, I slacked for like 3 days already.

O.M.GEE
):

I am a sad girl.

2010-11-14T16:21:00.001+08:00

Keep getting B's
Keep getting B's
Keep getting BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

Tomorrow's maths exam and I've yet to start revision.
Notes done but nope with practice question.
How, in class also never really understand.

Really really should try my best tomorrow.
Cannot give up!

2010-11-14T01:39:00.001+08:00

I shall stop bothering altogether.

But from the way I respond, I'm sure of one thing.

It's time to rest.

2010-11-13T01:48:00.003+08:00

Pain in mouth reason more to ulcers than healing of t.piercing.
I got around 2, but with swollen gums too.

Hurt to the max when drinking water, brushing teeth etc.

Hope faster heal faster heal faster healllllllllll.
Gastrics keep attacking, I did eat but guess I ate too slow or sometimes,
it hurt too much for me to even chew.

>;(

2010-11-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb

Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman

2010-11-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

Hi I am bored in school .

2010-11-07T00:49:00.001+08:00

Tongue pierced, again.

Pain pain pain this time round ):
And slant..

Thanks alot gj darling <3

2010-11-04T17:46:00.001+08:00

First science practical,
Awesome but had problems struggling with the calculations and formula.

Next will be 2 weeks later - titration.
(:

2010-11-01T17:46:00.004+08:00

I WANT TO JOT DOWN NOTES AND DO EVERY PRACTICE QUESTION SO BADLY I AM SO EAGER RIGHT NOW BUT I AM SO HAPPY .
I GUESS THERES REALLY A MAJOR DIFFERENCE IN STUDYING
SOMETHING YOU LIKE
& SOMETHING YOU DON'T.

I AM SO GLAD ALSO FOR ONE THING
TIME SPENT ON STUDYING AND SUCH, CAN MAKE ME BUSY AND NOT THINK OF OTHER BUGGING THINGS.
I AM SO FOOLISH, I TRIED TRACING BACK MEMORIES YESTERDAY NIGHT.

MEMORIES I HAD WITH YOU.

GOOD-O-BYE.

2010-10-31T00:14:00.002+08:00

I think sometimes I stress myself toooooooooooooooooooo much.
Cleared every problems notes except this week's new ones, yet to do practice question though.

Time time time and bad headacheeeee.

Out to bugis with new class (w14G) tomorrow
Can't wait, time to bond !
:D

2010-10-27T17:46:00.002+08:00

Fighting hard with the flu bug and sorethroat during O's.
End of O's straight on the dot,

Severe headache and flu comes back.
FML, I don't want to go back poly being sick.

But finally a load off my back (y)
Time to catch up catch up catch up!!!!

2010-10-25T18:50:00.002+08:00

Time to catch up with....

Poly modules!!!!!!!!!! :D

First time ever in the world Jsiekoh is so happy STUDYING. :D

2010-10-22T23:36:00.001+08:00

I broke down today,
Problem arising from team, uber stress, irritation, one man's work

Think I totally changed the first impression my classmates had of me .
):

2010-10-21T23:37:00.004+08:00

Had been losing appetite lately,
Skipping dinner
Mad fatigueness
High level of stress (esp today chem lesson )

Will be skipping 3 days of school for O levels.
Feeling damn miserable cos I want to study poly modules, eager and enthusiasm is there but timing just sooooooooo isn't right.

):

What's more it falls on the day of the biology module ?!?!?!
How can ?!?!?!. ):

Jessie is a sad girl.

2010-10-18T22:37:00.003+08:00

Instead of studying hard for O's
Which is around one more week to the first paper

Here I am jotting down notes on problems encountered for poly. (modules)

I know partially is cos of my direction of interest
But I NEED to prioritize,
I know, I know.

Tsk ):

Guess I will be wasting the money spend on retaking O levels,
Oh my freaking god.

Biology is super hard today,
No practice question, no extra notes, guess I will be super bookworm and start from scratch (textbook)

2010-10-16T19:13:00.002+08:00

If you want rainbows, you gotta have rain.

By overcoming our adversity, we find the joy in everything.

2010-10-14T22:53:00.002+08:00

Jotting down notes on previous problems tackled,
I can't believe myself I'm actually working hard .

I hope I keep this going,
The strong motivation to work hard for sem 2

One of my friends even had his maths and chemistry practice q done after each problem,
Envy much.
I will learn from him, currently I just got too tired after school :(

11pm will be the latest time to sleep,
OH and there will be lab sessions,
EXCITED EXCITED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ciaos all, physics tomorrow.
Oh my, my life revolves around updates of school. HAHAH! :D

2010-10-13T16:30:00.002+08:00

2nd day of school - I just feel like blogging it out so pardon me :)

Felt a sense of happiness around my new class.
New group, know more classmates, being welcomed into the new environment ,
It really felt great ; social acceptance.

When it was my turn to present powerpoint,
Friend from maths grp (ytd) cheered me on to give me confidence,
Minor shy laughters here and there around the class,
Awkardness reduced and more are daring to show their true sides.

Despite these,
I still misses taking away food, buying food for others, shouts and laughters, hugs and tears, joking and mockery, staying back after class,
With dear e37f ):

I'm so looking forward to monday,
Meet up and dinner with them (L)

Tomorrow it'll be chemistry.
I enjoyed cognitive today. :)

2010-10-12T22:09:00.003+08:00

Well,
First day of the start of a new semester, not that bad and scary afterall.

Not much awkwardness but more of heck-care of what they think of me,
Nice maths group to click along,
Slacking for the whole day and not feeling scared during presentation.

Still prefer E37F thou ):

Now, my password for school website expire,
Which means either tomorrow I need to go down and have it fixed or I can't login till I solved it.

Really super duper hate RP system for this.

Tomorrow is cognitive, I want full access to my LEO system please I'm excited for the module please don't die on me account.
Sian.

2010-10-11T01:31:00.001+08:00

Like fire & rain,
You, can drive me insane.

I should stop thinking this way.
I need to keep my mind pre-occupied, keep myself busy.

I'm so mad yesterday, I dreamnt about graphs, combining them and all coming to a final solution that will solve the problem I'd created for myself in my dream.

Goodbye;

2010-10-08T16:27:00.003+08:00

12oct will be the start of another chapter towards our goal.

Mathematics II, Cognitive II, Chem Phy and Biology
And Hell, I'm sooooooo excited for biology (:

It's like a wish fulfilled, I gonna cherish this opportunity.

2010-10-07T12:52:00.001+08:00

Maybe I'd ruined your day by wishing you.

Hesitatehesitatehesitate ;

2010-10-06T14:52:00.000+08:00

2010-09-30T15:34:00.006+08:00

It really sucks when you're fucking looking forward to something
But it just doesn't happen.

All your hopes, anticipation and eagerness
Crash in just one single fuck day.

I can't blame anyone.
Cos everyone is to blame.

I'm like a jailbird during holidays,
Freedom only when school is held and so fking busy almost everyday.

Sorry but I'm not looking forward to any events now.
Not the first and definately not the last time.

Pissed, so pissed.
Wanting so much for a gathering, missing everyone so fucking much,
But others don't vice versa.

What else can I do but just reminiscene? Fuck srs.

I know I'm wrong to think like this cos everyone else have their reasons.
Kthxbye

2010-09-29T21:07:00.003+08:00

I believe in something called fate;

Do you?

2010-09-25T16:58:00.003+08:00

Damn it, my neighbour's playing Mahjong next door again!!

Feeling so damn sad right now. :(

Perhaps I should pop by and offer them my hammies in exchange for 10 rounds
EVILLAUGH.

F cravin9-

I can't please everybody

2010-09-22T07:48:00.005+08:00

Welcome to the world of cravings -

2010-09-17T14:18:00.001+08:00

Maple is eating my holidays away -

I'm a big slacker this year
Not working for my expenses but reliance on allowance :)

Out to 5a2 class outing now, misses those dingdongbells
But bet there are few showing up ):

2010-09-13T00:48:00.002+08:00

Even the basics I can't conquere,
What about tomorrow's maths major test?

I'm still taking maths in sem 2,
Facing it in everyday life.

I can't understand and can't even let my brain start to work.
I can't find the motivation,
Why am I so stupid?

I'm sorry I have to blog this out.
Whenever I think, it's the last test make it good.

But how to when it's the hardest, like the most difficult subject for me?
I screwed up science, I gave up not even half way.

I regretted it but I can't do anything, my brain just can't work. It won't function.

My friends were great, they helped me whenever I need them.
They explained in details what are the steps to take, giving examples and all,
Such that I fully understand.

I'm really thankful for them,
But in one way or another I disappointed them,
Cos I'd already gave up when it's not even half the battle.

I played games, not study and wait till the last minute.
Yes others can go without study cos they are smart, they understand but not you.

Conclusion ?
Blame myself for laziness, lack of motivation and doing last minute work.

Buck up J,
Believe in yourself like what your friend said, you can do it. (L)

2010-09-12T17:16:00.001+08:00

Fking hate being accused.

Think I need 10000000 bathing sessions to overcome all these shiats.
Stress, unhappiness, confusion.

2010-09-11T02:44:00.003+08:00

It's either resemblance,
or I just freaking miss you too much.

Being tired makes my mind goes mad;

2010-09-08T22:00:00.000+08:00

Fuck,
I am so fucking tired.

):

2010-09-07T23:56:00.003+08:00

'Stay in contact, we won't drift, will we? '

Pack of lies ;
I got exams too, I'm busy myself, sometimes it's just one freaking day off, will it kill you so much?

Totally hate the feeling when we used to be so close,
But now acquaintances and some even strangers.

How I miss those times. ):

2010-09-06T23:27:00.003+08:00

Everytime it's near the exam period,
I will feel feverish ; it's just so dumb I can almost anticipate it.
Zomg.

Subside after exams, guess it's all the stress that is playing a part in it.

Dumb.

I want to study so much right now, but my brain is so occupied and tired.
I want to watch korean drama series on teevee though, but still I WANT TO STUDY
I want to get up early tomorrow, I want to sleep early today.

Can time come to a still stop !?
Can I click refresh on my brain so that I can be awake?!

Flood RP with students, like again tmr.
Zomg ;

2010-09-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

I'd never ever been a good daughter.

2010-09-03T12:58:00.001+08:00

FML

read it, and do it. _I_

2010-09-03T00:55:00.002+08:00

Why am I so stupid?
Others just took a glance and they will know the answer.

I took 181293738 years but still unable to progress.
Understand the theory but don't know how to apply,
Really really really envy smart people.

):

Worst it's science module, really really really embarrasing cos I'm a sci student noun.
Save me somebody T.T
I'm feeling super super super helpless and sad right now ):

2010-09-01T18:48:00.001+08:00

I guess this is how I look like,
Trying to study but lack of motivation.

:( save me somebody !

2010-08-31T16:43:00.003+08:00

Goodbye motivation; but I need you back.

We aren't always so lucky.
You'd misplaced it my dear, yes you had.

2010-08-29T16:31:00.001+08:00

Turtle. :D
http://www.youtube.com/user/nigahiga